Rainy Days Page 17

  Ash sighed with frustration. “I’m scared, Michael. I don’t know what I’m gonna do if I can’t fix this...”

  “We’ll fix it. If we can’t, we’ll work something out. You’re still the champion of sucking a dick.”

  Ash laughed despite himself. “I guess that’s true. Still, it won’t be the same. I’m an ex-porn star for God’s sake. Sex matters to me.”

  “I know,” Michael said. “Just don’t try so hard, okay?” He kissed Ash and left the room, heading down the hallway. He bumped into Dr. Summers.

  “You’ve got to help him,” Michael said. “That’s his pride on the line. Maybe you don’t get it, but sex means a lot to him. So don’t dismiss it.”

  “There’s not a lot I can do. Honestly, it’s up to him. I’ve looked at the injuries and he should be okay. I think the block is more mental than physical.”

  “Mental?”

  “He feels guilty, maybe over the breakup of your marriage or the fact that you’ll have to take care of him, and now he’s putting all this added pressure on himself to perform sexually now that he’s in a committed relationship.”

  “So what do I do?”

  “Give him time. Be supportive. He’ll work it out.”

  Michael arrived to pick Ash up the next evening. Ash was loaded into his wheelchair and ready to go. He was signing some papers when Michael showed up.

  “It’ll be good to get out of here,” Ash said. “I can’t stand this place.”

  “Me neither,” Michael pushed Ash through the hospital hallways and out to the car. He opened the door and picked Ash up, carefully setting him on the passenger seat and buckling his seatbelt. He packed the wheelchair up and put it in the trunk, coming around to sit in the driver’s seat. Michael pulled out of the parking lot, hitting a red light. The memories of Ash sucking his cock at the city red light flooded into his mind and he pushed them away. Those days are over now, We had it all, but things couldn’t stay that way forever. There’s more to life than just a few quick moments of stolen pleasure.

  They sat in near silence all the way home. Michael put his hand over and rested it on Ash’s leg and Ash put his hand over it as they pulled into the Tower Heights parking lot.

  “We’re home,” Michael said, parking the car and getting out. He retrieved Ash’s wheelchair and set it up, lifting Ash’s light frame from the car and carefully seating him in the chair. He locked the car and called the elevator, wheeling Ash into it as the doors opened. They reached their floor and Michael wheeled Ash down the dingy hallway, unlocking the door to their apartment and heading inside.

  “Home sweet home,” Ash said. “Thanks for taking care of it for me.”

  “Hey, it’s our place now.”

  “I gotta get out of this chair,” Ash said. “Lay me down on the sofa, would you please?” Michael picked him up and set him down.

  “Aren’t you tired? We can go to bed.”

  “I’d rather nap here,” Ash said. “I’m not that tired, so I can watch TV until I fall asleep.”

  “Okay then,” Michael said, a little disappointed. “Well, I’m tired, so I’m heading to bed. If you need the bathroom, shout for me, okay?”

  “All right,” Ash said. Michael went to bed, curling up in the sheets and dozing off.

  He woke a short time later, hearing a sharp intake of breath. He heard it again and got out of bed, heading into the living room. Ash was spread out on the sofa, his pants unzipped. On the TV, playing with the sound muted was the sex tape they had made together. Ash was crying on the sofa. Michael walked over to him and perched himself on the edge of the sofa, pausing the tape.

  “Ash, you can’t torture yourself like this,” Michael said. “I love you and I want to spend my life with you. I don’t want you to feel guilty or bad about anything. If we can’t have sex, oh well. At least we can be together.” He planted a soft kiss on Ash’s lips, wiping the tears away from his eyes. Seeing Ash halfway naked watching their video had aroused him, and he shifted, wishing he could will it away. Now’s not a good time.

  Ash deepened the kiss, reaching into the back of Michael’s mouth with his tongue. Michael forgot himself for a moment and moaned into it. Ash’s good hand found the front of his pants and unzipped, and Michael gasped as Ash took his cock in his hand.

  “Ash, you don’t have to...” Michael said.

  “Shh. I want to. Please.”

  Not going to argue with that, Michael thought. He threw his head back and gasped as Ash got him close. Then Ash suddenly stopped, laughing joyfully.

  “What’s wrong...” Michael asked, then he felt Ash’s hard cock pressing into him. “See, you just can’t keep a good porn star down,” he said, a smile playing across his lips. He abandoned his own need to come and took Ash’s cock in his mouth.

  Ash gasped, a near cry as Michael moved his head, savoring every moan. He thought he was going to pull his stitches out as he came, laughter on his lips as he came down from ecstasy. Tears sparkled in his eyes and Michael thought he had never seen such a beautiful sight as he reached over and kissed Ash, tears welling in his own eyes as he parted the kiss.

  “See, you’re not broken,” Michael said. “You just needed to relax a little.”

  “Thanks. I was so scared. I thought...”

  “I wouldn’t have left you, you know,” Michael stroked Ash’s hair.

  “I know,” Ash said. “I know.” He let himself doze and Michael simply sat there and watched him. How the fuck did a man like me get this lucky?

  Michael pressed play on the remote, smiling as he watched their memories. Not just memories. A promise of all the good things to come. He took his cock in his hand and stroked himself until he came, Ash’s name on his lips in a whispered prayer of thanks.

  Chapter Twenty-Five

  Bitter Flames

  Michael carefully washed Ash with a sponge dipped in soapy water, his touch tender and gentle as he avoided Ash’s stitches. The ugly purple bruises were turning yellow, the cuts were healing, and the casts on his leg and arm were starting to look slightly worn.

  Ash chuckled as Michael planted tender kisses on his chest. Michael looked up to see a smile on Ash’s face and he smiled too.

  “What’s so funny, hmm?” Michael asked.

  “Us,” Ash said. “Look at how we started. A desperate, needy one-night stand. I never thought things could be so tender between us.” He closed his eyes. “How did we come so far?”

  “Who knows? It’s been such a whirlwind. I’ve messed up so many times... Sometimes I wake up and I’m scared I’ll find you’re gone.”

  “I’m not going anywhere,” Ash said, gesturing to his immobile legs.

  “Smart-ass. You know what I mean.”

  “Yeah. Even if I did have the use of my legs, I wouldn’t want to be anywhere but here. I’m sorry I ran away. I was scared. Taking you away from Taryn... even now it’s hard to think about.”

  “It’s not your fault,” Michael said. “We’re gonna get her back. Ash. I have an appointment with the lawyer tomorrow. He’s supposed to be an expert in family law. Dad’s paying the bill.”

  “You can have my money. I saved it for you.”

  “Don’t be silly. You need to pay your medical bills. The insurance only covers so much, and you’re going to need a lot of therapy.”

  “I hate feeling so useless,” Ash said. “I put you in this position. I should be helping.”

  “I put me in this position,” Michael said. “I could have seen a lawyer before I left Michelle. Everything happened so fast that I didn’t even stop to think.” He patted Ash down with a towel. “I won’t let you blame yourself. I’m responsible for my choices, and this is the choice I made.” He planted a kiss on Ash’s lips and Ash held Michael’s head with his hand, deepening the kiss.

  “This is where the sexy nurse giving me the sponge bath can’t resist his subject,” Ash whispered huskily.

  Michael laughed. “Oh, what’s that, you want me to videotape this?”
>
  Ash’s face fell. “I’m not exactly sexy any more.”

  “Hey, there’s a fetish out there for everything,” Michael said. “Besides, you are sexy. The cuts will heal, the bruises will be gone soon, and even broken bones mend.”

  “But this could be forever,” Ash gestured to the wheelchair.

  “You don’t know that. You haven’t even started therapy yet. Dr. Summers said there’s a good chance you could walk again, in some capacity.”

  “What if I can’t?” Ash said. “You’ll have to take care of me for the rest of my life.”

  “I don’t mind. Stop using me as an excuse to feel sorry for yourself.” He threw the towel into the laundry hamper in one swift, angry motion.

  Ash saw the hurt in his eyes. “I’m sorry.”

  “No, you’re not,” Michael said. “That’s the third time in a day you’ve said the same thing. Like I’m going to get bored and just leave one day. You think I gave up my daughter on a whim?”

  “No, of course not. I know you love me. That’s not in question. I’m just not used to relying on somebody else for everything. Of course I’m scared you’ll leave. It’s a hell of a lot of work to wait on somebody hand and foot. It’s not sexy to get the full details every time your partner needs to go to the bathroom. It’s not fun to be stuck with a cripple for the rest of your life.”

  “It was a joy until he turned bitter on me,” Michael said. “I know it’s hard on you, Ash. I wouldn’t feel much better in your place, but for fuck’s sake, please stop with the pity party. I’m not going anywhere, but damn if I’m gonna just let you sit there and feel bad about yourself. So what if you never walk again? Life sucks sometimes, but I’m sure as hell glad that you came out of that coma alive. It could have been so much worse, Ash. They told me you might have brain damage. Brain damage. You could be drooling into a cup right now, and you know what? I’d still be here taking care of you, because I love you.”

  Michael stalked out into the kitchen, leaving Ash with tears in his eyes. Michael lit a cigarette and walked out onto the balcony, leaning over the railing and looking out at the cloudy day. He smoked the cigarette down to the filter and tossed it over the side with a sigh.

  “Michael!” Michael heard Ash’s voice from inside. Damn it, he thought. What can I do to make him trust me? Does everybody go through this phase after an accident? Self-blame, recriminations, I’m so tired of all of it. I got everything that I wanted and dreamed of and yet he won’t let it be sweet. Where’s the Ash that used to laugh at everything? I miss him.

  “Michael!” The shout was more urgent and Michael realized it was a cry for help. He raced inside, hurrying to the bedroom where he found Ash on the floor.

  “Oh my God. Are you hurt?”

  “No, I’m okay,” Ash said. “I tried to move. I wanted to follow you. I’m sorry...”

  Michael cradled Ash in his arms, leaning in to kiss him. “I’m the one who’s sorry. Sorry you don’t trust me. Sorry that you’re so depressed. I’m going to make you believe that I want to be here.”

  “I know you do,” Ash said. “I think too much lately. I’ve got everything I’ve ever dreamed of, and I can’t help but be afraid that the only way from here is down.”

  “That’s not true,” Michael said, picking Ash up and laying him on the bed. “We’re just starting out. This is the beginning of a new life for us.” He sat down on the edge of the bed and took Ash’s hand in his. “Everything’s going to be okay.” I want to believe that, but I’m scared, Michael thought. What if things are never okay again?

  “Thanks, Michael.”

  “I have to go get smokes,” Michael said. “Will you be okay for twenty minutes?”

  “I’ll try not to fall off the bed again.” Ash smiled.

  Michael left the apartment, driving to the gas station. His heart sank as he entered the store and saw Michelle and Taryn in line. He almost turned and left, but Taryn called out to him.

  “Daddy!” Taryn rushed over, pulling on Michael’s leg. Michael knelt down and threw his arms around her, hugging her tightly.

  “Hey, honey, how have you been?”

  “I miss you.”

  “I know, honey, I miss you too.”

  “When are you coming home?” Taryn asked.

  “I can’t come home, Taryn,” Michael said. The lump in his throat threatened to choke him as he wiped a stray tear from his daughter’s face. Michelle stalked over, pure rage in her expression as she snatched Taryn’s hand and pulled her away.

  “Come on, Taryn, we have to go,” Michelle said.

  “I want to talk to Daddy!” Taryn said.

  “Well, we don’t have time. I told you that Daddy left us. You shouldn’t bother him.”

  “Taryn, I love you!” Michael yelled, as Michelle dragged Taryn away. Michael watched with sad eyes as she loaded Taryn into her car and drove away. He wiped away the tears that were welling in his eyes, suddenly aware of several pairs of eyes on him, and stepped up to the counter.

  “Yeah, the big box of those,” he said, his voice thick with emotion. He slapped the cash down on the counter and received his change, rushing out of the store and back to the safety of his car. He drove down the highway at speed until a sad song played on the radio. His eyes welled up until he couldn’t see and he pulled into a parking lot, letting himself cry.

  “I told you that Daddy left us.” Michelle’s words echoed in his head and his heart ached. I wonder what else Michelle told her? That I left her to live with another man? No, I don’t suppose she would want Taryn to know about that. He closed his eyes and rested his head on the steering wheel. The sad song played on and Michael exhaled a deep breath. I have to see that lawyer. I won’t let Michelle poison Taryn against me.

  He pulled himself together and drove back to Tower Heights. Ash called for him as soon as he closed the door and he hurried into the bedroom.

  “Is everything okay?”

  “I’m fine,” Ash said. “I could use the bathroom eventually, but I just wanted to check you were all right. You took a lot more than twenty minutes.” He saw Michael’s puffy eyes. “What happened?”

  “I saw Michelle and Taryn at the gas station,” Michael said. “Taryn ran up to me, but Michelle dragged her away. She told Taryn that I left them, as if I didn’t care about her.” He shook his head, sitting down on the bed. “I’m so scared she’s going to make Taryn hate me. What if I can’t get custody? Taryn will grow up thinking her father didn’t care about her.”

  Ash took Michael’s hand in his good one. “That’s not going to happen. Taryn’s smart. She ran up to you, right? She knows you still love her. There’s not a court on Earth that’s going to deny a loving father like you access to your daughter.”

  “She was asking so many questions. I didn’t have a chance to answer her. She must be so confused.”

  “You’ll get your chance to explain it to her,” Ash said. “It’s going to be okay.”

  “Now you’re the one comforting me,” Michael shot him a wan smile. “I know I can’t give up. It was just so hard, seeing her like that and not knowing what to say.”

  An alarm started to sound. Michael jumped up off the bed. “What the hell is that?”

  “The fire alarm. Somebody probably burned their toast.” Ash sighed. “I guess we’d better leave.” The sound of distant fire trucks reached their ears and Michael dressed Ash as quickly as he could.

  “Just leave me,” Ash said. “It’s probably nothing. You can check it out and come back for me.”

  “I’m not leaving you all the way up here,” Michael said. “If it is a fire, you could be trapped.” He pulled Ash’s pants on and picked him up, placing him in the wheelchair and wheeling him out of the front door. Other residents were gathered around the elevator.

  “The fire suppression system locked the elevator,” an old man said.

  “You’re not supposed to use an elevator in a fire, that’s why,” his wife said. “If the power goes out, you could b
e trapped inside.”

  “Bah, I’m not walking down forty-eight flights of steps for a false alarm,” the old man said.

  “There’s no way you can get me down those steps,” Ash said. Michael paced, walking to the window and looking out. Down on the ground, fire trucks were arriving on the scene. Michael saw one deploy the ladder.

  “They’re using the ladder,” Michael said. “I’d say it’s more than a toaster fire. We should get out of here.”

  “I guess,” the old man said. He made his way to the emergency stairwell and started the long climb down with his wife.

  “How are we going to get down there?” Ash asked.

  “I’ll carry you,” Michael said, picking Ash up.

  “No way,” Ash protested. “You’ll throw your back out. It’s probably nothing, just a minor fire or something. Just leave me here, or you’ll have to carry me all the way back up.”

  “I’m not taking that chance. Now stop arguing.” He leaned against the doors and opened them. Ash’s weight seemed to be nothing at first, his lithe frame feeling feather light in Michael’s arms, but as he continued downwards his arms started to feel like lead weights and his lungs hurt from being constantly out of breath. He was jostled by other residents making their way down.

  “Stop a minute. Put me down.” Michael put Ash down in the corner.

  “Told you this was madness. Just leave me and go on.”

  “I can smell smoke, so shut up. We’re getting out of here together.” His strength renewed by anger, he picked Ash up again and continued downwards. Ash stopped arguing as he smelled the smoke.

  “Almost there...” Michael gasped. He almost collapsed through the door. He put Ash down for a moment and then picked him up again, resting him up against an old tree that stood in the apartment building’s grounds. Michael sat down next to him, huffing and puffing.

  “I’m so out of shape,” Michael gasped.

  Ash pointed upwards. “Look. Around the thirtieth floor or so. You see it?” Smoke was pouring out and the fire company was spraying down the flames. Fire marshals were rushing inside the building, helping the residents to evacuate and carrying equipment up.