Rainy Days Page 19

  “What kind of dirty videos are we talking about?” The lawyer fidgeted with his pen.

  “What kind do you think? We filmed ourselves having sex. Plus I had a DVD of Ash’s porn career at home.”

  “You were a porn star?” The lawyer turned to Ash.

  “Yeah,” Ash said. “Don’t ask me to be ashamed about it. I’m sick of making excuses for my life.”

  “This doesn’t bode well,” the lawyer said. “You think that any judge is going to be sympathetic about an adult video career?”

  “It’s got nothing to do with raising a child!” Michael said. “I’d never let Taryn see that stuff in a million years. Neither would Ash.”

  “Try explaining that. Most people watch porn, but they still look down on it and consider it morally wrong. You honestly expect to get shared custody with the mother, who appears perfectly normal?”

  “There has to be something you can do,” Ash said. “This is discrimination, through and through. Michelle is using the videos to paint our relationship as purely sexual. So what, we had sex and taped it, like a million other couples. That means that Michael will never see his daughter again? That’s bullshit. As for the adult video career, well, you own such tapes yourself, right? Would you ever let your kids see them? Of course not. The world may not believe it, but even I have a sense of decency.”

  Michael stood up. “I have to smoke.” He stalked out of the office, leaving Ash and the lawyer alone.

  “You know what you have to do,” the lawyer said. “I know it’s not easy, but you have to break up with him. As a single father, he would have a far greater chance of getting custody of Taryn. You must know that.”

  “I do,” Ash bowed his head. “I don’t want to leave him. I fought so hard to get here. I’m too selfish to do it.”

  “Well, I’m just giving you my advice,” the lawyer said. “That’s just my opinion.” They sat in silence until Michael returned.

  “So, what do we do now?” Michael asked.

  “We prepare to go to trial. Michael, I can’t promise you anything. At this point, we might not even be able to secure visitation. All we can hope for is that Michelle simmers down and reconsiders her position. Otherwise, I fear that her offense will be devastating.”

  Chapter Twenty-Seven

  Tough Decisions

  They left the lawyer’s office in silence. Michael drove them home, a dark expression on his face. Ash felt guilty just looking at him. I should leave, he thought. That would be the right thing to do.

  Michael closed the door to their apartment and slumped down on the sofa, his head in his hands. “I’ve lost her, Ash. I should just call the whole thing off before Michelle does more damage.”

  “You can’t give in to blackmail,” Ash said. “This is bullshit. We can’t let her get away with it!”

  “Do you want to move? Once the court sees those videos, we’ll be harassed everywhere we go. We’ll have to leave this town, and Taryn will be a million miles away. Better just to give up now.”

  “I’m not ashamed,” Ash said. “Let her show those videos. Everything we did, we did out of love.”

  Michael laughed derisively. “Yeah, love. That’s what they’re gonna see when they look at that.” He shook his head. “We’re screwed. She’s got us, Ash. Everything happened so fast that I never moved any of my shit out of the trailer, and I left her the perfect ammunition.”

  “There’s still another way. We break up,” Ash said. “You can pin all the blame on me, and win custody of Taryn in your own right. We can move back in together after the trial.”

  “I can’t do that! You need me to take care of you.”

  “I can get the nurse to come in full-time,” Ash said. “Getting Taryn back is more important than my needs.”

  “Fuck you!” Michael stood up. “What, now the going gets tough you want to break up? I thought we were going to fight this thing together.”

  “No, it’s not like that--”

  “Then what is it like?”

  “It’s only a temporary break-up, so that you can get Taryn back.”

  “I’m not leaving!” Michael yelled. “I put everything on the line so I could be with you. What, now that I’ve got problems, you don’t want me? Is that what you’re saying?”

  “No, that’s not what I’m saying at all!” Ash said. “The lawyer suggested that you would have an easier time fighting for custody as a single man. That’s all. Michael, I don't want you to leave. I love you. I’m willing to make a sacrifice so that you can get Taryn back, though. It’s my fault you’re in this position.”

  Michael slumped back on the sofa, his anger fading away. “I don’t want to go, Ash. Even if it means I lose Taryn. What kind of a father am I?”

  Ash smiled. “A good one. You’ll see Taryn again. But we have to do this. You think I want you to leave? I don’t really like the nurse, but I’ll do what I have to do for you and for Taryn.”

  “I have to think. Will you be okay here by yourself?”

  “Yeah. Michael, be careful.”

  Michael left without another word, Ash’s kindness forming a lump in his throat as he rushed down the hallway to the elevator. He’s only proposing a temporary separation. What he’s saying makes total sense, so why is it so hard to stomach? He walked into the elevator, leaning against the wall as he thought about moving out. I don’t want to be alone. Not even for a few months. It was hard enough to leave Taryn for Ash. Now I have to leave Ash for Taryn?

  The elevator door opened and he stepped out, walking past his car and out into the rain. The cold droplets bit his skin and he let himself get soaked through as he walked, his shoulders hunched over and his head looking down at the ground. He looked up as he heard the voice of a little girl. She was on the opposite side of the street, hurrying to keep up with her father, who held an umbrella.

  “Daddy, wait!” the girl cried, almost running to keep up. Michael remembered Taryn calling after him many times, the way he would turn and wait for her short legs to catch up with his adult stride.

  “I’m sorry honey, but you have to keep up. Mom will be angry if we’re late home.” Michael remembered giving Taryn a hug in the middle of the street.

  He sighed and continued walking until he reached the main road. The gas station loomed large. I remember the first day I met you, Ash. I’d never seen such a stunning face. The look, the smell, the very essence of you had me captivated, like a bee to honey. Everything else was inevitable after that.

  He kept walking, past the stores. The electronics store, all boarded up now. Buying that camera was one of my crazier ideas. I’m paying for it now, but I have no regrets. I love every crazy thing we’ve done together.

  He shook his head and continued downtown. The old broken bridge now had a temporary one at the side of it, and Michael looked down into the rushing waters below him. I’d be dead if it wasn’t for Ash. He could have gone for help, but he dived into the water to save me, risking his own life. He felt for the cut on his head, long since healed into a scar.

  Ash. What the hell are we going to do? I sat at your hospital bed and swore I’d never leave your side again, and now you want me to go? We could do this and still not win Taryn back. What if you find somebody else? Somebody without all the baggage I have? The trial could be six months away. We’d have to pretend we broke up. We wouldn’t be able to see each other much, because we’d have to fool the lawyers and Michelle. We could do it, I know we could, but that’s not the point, is it? You almost died. It feels like just yesterday that I was sitting at your bedside, hoping you’d make it through the night.

  He picked up a stone and tossed it into the river. A mother walked by with a child holding onto each of her hands. I brought Taryn into this world with Michelle. She’s my blood, my responsibility, unless the state says so? It’s not right. Taryn didn’t ask for this to happen. Neither did I. Love came down on me like a force beyond words. I wasn’t happy with my life, but I had accepted it, until I met Ash. You turn
ed my whole world upside-down. Now I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to be without you, but I don’t want to be without Taryn either. We’ve come so far, but the same problems keep coming up over and over again. The same choice, an impossible choice because what man can choose between the love of his life and his only child?

  Michael watched the roaring waters pass below him as the swollen river raged downstream. I owe you my life, Ash, I owe you my sanity. I owe you everything. I won’t leave you now. He remembered the desperate kisses at the motel and ached to hold Ash close, and started to make his way home. I’ve made my decision, Ash. I won’t leave. Not now. Not ever. I won’t be blackmailed into losing you. He remembered going to Ash’s apartment to find him gone, the feeling in his gut as he’d unfolded the letter and realized he would never see Ash again. He started to run, his soaked clothes suddenly feeling heavy. The rain had drenched his hair and was running down his face, but he ignored it as he ran. You wouldn’t leave me now, would you? Get in a taxi and leave for California? There are nurses everywhere, your disability doesn’t have to hold you here. He raced along the road, hurrying towards Tower Heights in the distance. His out-of-shape body protested and his lungs burned, but he pressed on, desperate to see Ash and confirm that he hadn’t left without a trace.

  He reached the elevator and repeatedly hit the button. The doors finally opened and a woman gave him a weird look at his soaking wet, disheveled appearance. His clothing dripped in the elevator, a small puddle forming where he stood. The elevator finally reached its destination and Michael raced down the corridor, fumbling with his keys to open the apartment door. Ash was nowhere to be seen. He wasn’t in the living room or the bedroom.

  “Ash!” Michael yelled. “Ash!”

  There was a knock on the balcony door and Michael ran to it, fumbling with the handle and pulling the door open.

  “Oh, thank God,” Ash said. “I thought I was gonna be locked out here--” He was cut off by Michael leaning over him and kissing him deeply. Water dripped down onto Ash but he didn’t care. He moved his good hand up to caress Michael’s face as they kissed for a long time.

  “What’s all this about?” Ash asked, when they parted. “Not that I’m complaining, but...”

  “I’m not leaving you,” Michael said. “Not now, not ever. I won’t hide away from the truth, and if the courts don’t like it, too bad. I love you.”

  “But Taryn--”

  “Is out of my hands. I want to see her more than anything, Ash, but I can’t change the world. I’ve made you suffer enough over my daughter.”

  “Michael...” Ash said, pulling him down into his lap with surprising strength. Michael lie there and closed his eyes whole Ash caressed his wet hair.

  “I thought you might be gone,” Michael admitted. “I ran all the way home.”

  “Where would I go like this? Besides, I didn’t want to break up. But that wasn’t my decision to make.”

  Michael lifted his head and looked at Ash’s smile. He slowly kissed his way up Ash’s body to his mouth and claimed it in a deep, desperate kiss, letting his hands roam down to Ash’s crotch, feeling Ash’s need through his tight jeans. Ash moaned into the kiss and they parted for air, gasping for breath. Michael scooped Ash up and carried him inside, letting the door blow shut behind him. A window pane shattered and he ignored it, carrying Ash into the bedroom and setting him down onto the bed. He pulled Ash’s jeans off with practiced ease and kissed his way up the immobile legs, moving them gently apart to grant him access. He took Ash’s cock in his mouth, teasing it with his tongue, listening to Ash’s moans.

  “You’re such a damn tease,” Ash gasped, “and I can’t do a thing about it.”

  “When you can walk again, I know you’ll pay me back in kind,” Michael said, letting Ash’s cock fall from his mouth and moving up to claim his lips again.

  “You bet I will.” Ash reached for Michael’s cock, stroking it with his strong arm until Michael felt himself getting close.

  “That’s enough of that,” Michael whispered hoarsely. He reached for the lube and spread it on his cock. He parted Ash’s legs and slowly slipped his finger inside, savoring the gasp that escaped Ash’s lips.

  “Fuck me, Michael. Please.”

  Michael chuckled. “I plan to.” He lifted Ash’s legs over his shoulders and held them in place with one arm while he slowly pushed inside. He gasped at the feeling of Ash’s tight ass squeezing his cock and slowly pulled back out before thrusting back in. He kissed Ash’s legs as he held them in their position, slowly fucking Ash who looked up at him with love, desire and trust in his eyes. You can’t move. I could hurt you and you could do nothing about it, but I would never do that. He reached forward and stroked Ash’s cock in time with his own thrusts, guiding them towards ecstasy. He came with a cry and Ash came soon after that with a breathless gasp.

  Michael pulled himself out and set Ash’s legs down gently before curling up next to Ash on the bed. He planted a gentle kiss on Ash’s lips and then another, tracing a slow line down Ash’s chest with his finger. His injuries were fast turning to scars. Each one a story of our love, Michael thought.

  “Michael?”

  “Yeah?”

  “Thank you.”

  “For what?”

  “For not leaving,” Ash said. “I wouldn’t have blamed you for going. Hell, it would have been the sensible thing to do. But I still don’t want to do this thing alone, you know?” He gestured to his legs, and Michael could see the calendar on the wall marked with a circle. Therapy starts soon. It’s going to be a whole new challenge for both of us.

  “You won’t have to. I’ll be there with you every step of the way. Whether you walk again, whether you don’t walk again - it doesn’t matter. I’ll love you just the same.” Michael leaned in and kissed Ash again, and a warm feeling spread through his body, contentment and joy rolled into one. Taryn, someday you’ll fall in love yourself and then you’ll know why I had to choose him. I’m sorry, honey, but it’s out of my hands now. I only hope someday you’ll forgive me for leaving your side.

  Chapter Twenty-Eight

  Persistent Hope

  Michael sighed as he packed his lunch for work. “I'm sorry, Ash. I wish I could be at your first therapy session.”

  "Hey, it's okay,” Ash said, sitting in his wheelchair in the kitchen. The cast was gone, sawn off a day earlier at the hospital, and he moved his arm uncomfortably as if getting used to it all over again. "You can't help it if your boss is an ass and won’t let you have any more time off.”

  “I could quit. I’ve thought about it.”

  “Then how would you pay for everything?” Ash said. “I’m not going back to work any time soon. I understand that you’re going to work to support us.”

  “I just hate missing this. It’s a huge moment for you. I want to be there.”

  “Relax, you’re not missing anything. Just me complaining a lot and falling over, no doubt.” Ash shot Michael a winning smile that warmed his heart. “I know you’re not ducking out because you don’t want to come, so stop beating yourself up over it.”

  “Thanks,” Michael leaned over Ash’s wheelchair and kissed him, a long, slow kiss that he parted from reluctantly. “Sorry, I have to go.”

  “Will you stop apologizing?”

  “Sorry.” Michael smirked. “Don’t push yourself too hard, Ash. It’s just the beginning of a long road. It could be months--”

  “Okay, Mr. De-motivational, you can go now,” Ash grinned. “Aren’t you supposed to be cheering me on, pushing me hard, something like that?”

  “All right. Make sure you’re walking before I get home, or you’ll be sorry!”

  “That’s more like it,” Ash said, grinning. There was a knock on the door. Michael grabbed his lunch and let the nurse in.

  “Morning,” the nurse said. “All ready for your appointment?”

  “You bet.”

  Michael leaned in and kissed Ash goodbye. “I’ll see you later. If yo
u need anything at all, call me, okay? I don’t care if I get in trouble. If something happens, good or bad, I want to know.”

  “Yes, sir! I’ll make sure to tell your boss what I think of him, too.”

  “On second thoughts...”

  “Stop loitering. Go on, get out of here,” Ash said. Michael closed the door behind him and walked down the hallway.

  The nurse laughed. “You really are a pair. He really wants to come along, huh?”

  “Like a stray puppy,” Ash said. “I can’t blame him. I’d be the same in his position. He’s been patient and kind with me the whole time, even though he has problems of his own. Honestly, I don’t know what I’d do without him.”

  Ash sat waiting for the session to start with a nervous feeling in his gut. What if I can’t do a thing? What if they tell me there’s no chance I’ll walk again? I wish Michael was here, but I can’t rely on him for everything. It wasn’t so long ago that I walked this world alone. I had nobody to depend on back then. When did I become so needy? It’s not just this chair, or the legs. I need Michael like I need air and water. I don’t want to let him down today. If I was alone and couldn’t walk, that would be one thing, but I want to walk again for him. So I’m not a burden on him for the rest of my life.

  Dr. Summers walked in and closed the door. “How are you doing, Ash?”

  “Pretty well. Michael’s been taking good care of me.”

  “Did you get your problem sorted out, or do you need a referral?” Dr. Summers asked.

  “Nah, it’s all working well now,” Ash replied. “I guess I was just putting too much pressure on myself.”

  “The same rules apply to therapy too,” Dr. Summers explained. “You have to crawl before you can walk. Trying too hard, too soon can lead to accidents and setbacks. Just go at a steady pace.”

  “That’s easy for you to say. You’re not depending on someone for everything.”